community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
