Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
love makes seman taste better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
