This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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