Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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