you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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