it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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