omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
