you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
