you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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