Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just pee around me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
