worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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