Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
