your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
