i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i believe in u and ur pee
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
