He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
