my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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