the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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