I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
