she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
third nipple confirmed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
