oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
