Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
