No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
