you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
