Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
