taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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