It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
