I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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