She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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