This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
