oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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