oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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