We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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