Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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