My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
