You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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