i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
