but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
