I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She even gives head with a lisp.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Success! We fucked roommates!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize