Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
