So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
