Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
