Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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