Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
