Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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