I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
