My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
