If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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