i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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