haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize