I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
