Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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