she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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