it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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