normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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