You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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