There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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