return my video game
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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