I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
