Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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