just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize