Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
