Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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