Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
