So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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