I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
