absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
