I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
