Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
