I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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