just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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