We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
