why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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