i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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