Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
