so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
