If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
