I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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