She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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