Sry I called you an 8
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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