Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
