No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
