When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
