I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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