i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
