i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
