you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
