I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
