we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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