why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
