Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
