We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
