sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How does one acquire holy water?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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