sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
