so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
