He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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