idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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