can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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