I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
