i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
