Only a mothe r could love this liver
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
