Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
