Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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