I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
