Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
