We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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