when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
